


don't go in too deep (don't swim out too far)

by littlelooneyluna



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Angst, M/M, SSW Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-25 02:48:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12026517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelooneyluna/pseuds/littlelooneyluna
Summary: But then everything is black. Robert thinks he's dreaming, he's walking towards something and there's this glimmer of light stretching far in front of him. He nearly leans forward, has a hand out to hold it and then Aaron's suddenly in front of him, shaking at his shoulders, telling him to back away, to wake up. Then his eyes are opening and -Aaron's still in the dark. Aaron's not waking up. Aaron's -Dead.It trickles over his mind, manages to climb inside him and fester as his hands mindlessly shake at Aaron's frame and try.





	don't go in too deep (don't swim out too far)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago and just realised I hadn't made everyone here cry too, and give you all those ssw feels we need to always have.

 

 

The impact doesn't hurt, Robert just feels his eyes widen, feels his hand fall over Aaron's and then they are hitting the water before he can even try and prepare himself.

But then everything is black. Robert thinks he's dreaming, he's walking towards something and there's this glimmer of light stretching far in front of him. He nearly leans forward, has a hand out to hold it and then Aaron's suddenly in front of him, shaking at his shoulders, telling him to back away, to wake up. Then his eyes are opening and -

Aaron's still in the dark. Aaron's not waking up. Aaron's -

Dead.

It trickles over his mind, manages to climb inside him and fester as his hands mindlessly shake at Aaron's frame and _try_.

Dead. Robert's mind screams, and he can't be. Aaron, his Aaron can't be dead.

Robert's mind circles around him, catches their surroundings and something breaks in his chest. They're so _far_ down, they're almost buried deep at the bottom of the lake and there's no escape is there?

He can't think of himself, he can't think of the danger he's in. He has to think of Aaron, only Aaron, only the person who doesn't deserve any of _this_.

It manages to strike something in Robert's heart and suddenly it becomes alight, forces him to shove Aaron that little bit harder, start shouting at him over and over again as his chin wobbles and his throat aches.

"Aaron wake up." He begs, and it works, after a few more attempts Aaron's eyes are open and something washes over Robert.

Calm. Because Aaron's eyes always manage to do that, the blueness, the softness of them and --

Aaron's not calm, he's fucking hysterical and Robert wants to stop the way he's feeling.

Stop it. Look at him. Look at how scared he is.

"It's okay, it's okay." Robert tells him, like it really is, like they might not _die_ if they don't escape in time.

Aaron's face distorts into something almost unimaginable and his eyes widen. He's listening to Robert, his Robert, and he's banging on about water pressure and waiting until it equalises and everything feels like it's not even worth it any more.

But Robert's trying. His brave, _amazing_ Robert is trying to calm him down and he can't be calmed. Because --

"I'm trapped. I'm trapped. I'm trapped, I'm trapped."

He feels something tighten by his leg and he struggles against it before raising his head and seeing Robert's face fall.

Something breaks in Robert's chest, something terrible seems to race over his whole body as he looks at the way Aaron is looking _back_ at him.

_Do something. You have to fucking do something or he'll die._

Robert shudders, he's telling Aaron what he should, something about pulling and pushing and it makes his eyes water.

It's almost like a metaphor for their relationship. Pulling and pushing. Just trying to keep themselves together despite everything else getting in the way.

He's trying, his breath is ragged and he feels his lungs burn as he pushes down into the water and tugs at the steering column holding Aaron back from him and he tries to ignore the way he hears Aaron cry out in pain, or frustration, or something. It's angry adrenaline which courses through his veins.

Because he's nearly lost Aaron before. He knows what it feels like to look over Aaron and pray that someone up there will keep him safe for him.

He usually thinks of his mum. Never, not ever his father. He's not daft.

Robert struggles, head under water, pushing and tugging and then he needs _air_ more than anything. He's flying up and watching Aaron's head shake, he's so _scared_. He's shaking, trembling.

His breath is all over the place, he can't do anything about it and then he's giving up.

Aaron's just _giving_ up and Robert can't fathom it. He can't get his head around the fact that Aaron doesn't want to try anymore.

"We have to keep trying." Robert's saying, but there's a sense of begging in his voice, and his eyes are wet, his chin is wobbling.

He looks like a little boy. That's what Aaron thinks as he stares at him. A little boy who needs to be saved, who deserves to be _so_ happy. He doesn't deserve this, doesn't deserve to be in pain, in danger because of Aaron's own bad luck.

It's all his fault this, how many times has he thought about ending it in the past. He'd _tried_ once and then woke up filled with regret because it didn't work.

Fate was taking the piss out of him and he didn't even mind anymore, but _Robert_.

Robert who was going to propose. Robert who had the ring. Robert who came along and changed everything.

He didn't deserve to be dragged into this. Not for one second.

"You need to go." It falls out of his mouth before he can prepare himself for Robert's denial, refusal.

But it comes so quickly.

Robert's frowning, heart hammering in his chest and then there's a shiver which races through him. The water is practically ice now and he almost can't bare it for a second longer.

But Aaron's wanting him to _go_. Aaron's wanting him to just - leave him alone to _die_.

"No chance." Robert's blurting out, because he can't even think about the thought of pushing open the car door, swimming up to safety without _Aaron_.

But Aaron's adamant.

"Robert I'm not having die in here because of me." And it's true, Aaron thinks. Robert can't die like this, he can't drown, he can't give up his own life for him.

He can't be responsible for his death. Not again, not like -

"I'm _not_ leaving ya. _No_. " Robert feels the water rising, feels his throat scratch and his voice break as he speaks.

He feels like a little boy again. He feels like that lad who couldn't save his mum. Who couldn't do anything. The boy who tried to run towards the flames and then walked _back_ and just let it happen.

He doesn't want to think it was too late for him to do anything. He's always wanted to punish himself for it all, it makes him _feel_ something when he does.

"Robert!" Aaron's snapping, feels everything inside him shake as he looks at Robert and sees a million pictures dance in front of his eyes.

He sees Robert proposing properly in their barn.

He sees Robert sliding the ring on his finger and smiling.

He sees them exchanging vows in front of everyone, proudly.

He sees himself holding hands with Robert and walking down the street with him.

He sees himself carrying a child on his shoulders, _their_ child and Robert and him swinging another between them.

He sees it all and he knows he has to give it up.

"I love you, okay, I love you." He's never said it enough, always kept Robert waiting, always had one foot out the door. He's never let Robert know how madly in love with him he's always been.

And now it's too late, and he's seeing the way it's killing Robert.

"Just go." It slips out, and Aaron finds his feet sliding down in the car.

His eyes pull away from Robert's and he's slipping away.

Robert screams in horror, can't even begin to imagine the possibility of this being a way out for him. He needs Aaron. He wants to _marry_ Aaron.

He loves him, loves him in a way that people shouldn't really love people because it's dangerous. It makes it hard to imagine your life without them, then it makes it impossible and you find yourself in a car with them, slowly drowning and you think it's okay to die.

I'd be happy if I died now. Robert thinks, knows that he'd have Aaron with him, he'd follow him wherever he went and they'd be _together_ wouldn't they.

But Aaron. Aaron's _younger_. He doesn't want to die. Aaron wants to live, he - he wants to _live_.

Something flickers over him, forces him to tilt his head back and breathe and then he's praying, head raised up towards the roof of his car.

Please. He's begging and then he's diving down, he's holding onto Aaron and panicking suddenly at how still he is.

It takes seconds for him to know to give Aaron his last breath, to hold Aaron's cheek and rub it slowly as he gives him his _everything_.

And then he's tugging again, he's fighting against the way his lungs scream for _air_ suddenly and he blinks the way the sound of a shot which reminds him of how fragile his body is to these extreme situations.

All he cares about is Aaron, _his_ Aaron. The boy who saved him too once. The boy who stopped him from drowning in another way completely.

 _Please mum_. Robert begs, tears falling as he tries to reach up and catch his breath, he gulps hard and then dives back down again. Aaron's still lifeless, still limp and he shakes at him. _Don't take him from me. Help me_. He's still begging, his hands are trembling as he keeps pushing and pulling and finds himself becoming light headed.

The water is rising, he knows it is and the thought of drowning alongside Aaron is somehow inviting again but then suddenly it isn't. He's thinking of Liv. He's thinking about the fact that Aaron and him give her a home and some sort of family, he can't take that away from her.

_I love him mum, I'll always love him. Robert feels his movements slow down, everything falls away from him and it's too hard suddenly._

I'm staying. He decides, Until the end. Robert promises, has a hand over Aaron's and he's rolling his head back just a little, eyes closing and then -

Robert feels _something_ surge through him and he can't even describe it but it's kicking something into him and making him fall forward, he's got this voice going round and round in his head banging on about giving it one last go.

And he's seeing Aaron smiling at him, telling him it's okay to let go, it's okay, it's okay.

But it isn't, and Robert's frustration makes him scream until -

Something pulls away in his hands at Aaron's leg dangles freely.

A feeling he cannot even describe races through him as he realises that he can get Aaron out. He pulls at Aaron's shoulders, underneath, hooking his arms and shuddering as he battles with the car door.

But it works, it's opening and Robert fights with every single bit inside him which tells him to _stop_ trying, to give in and just accept that it's too hard.

He nearly does, but then he's looking down at Aaron and he's overwhelmed with love for him.

It's love that pushes him out, pushes _them_ out.

It's love which makes Robert somehow bring them up high enough for him to see the sun reflecting on the water.

It's love which makes Adam suddenly appear and help and pull Aaron up to the shore.

It's love which is responsible for Robert's shaky hands, for his panic, for the way he pushes hard against Aaron's chest and wills him to just open his eyes.

And he _does_ , he's spluttering out water and breathing on his own. He's nearly turning back towards a small pool of water and Robert catching his face, shaky hands stir him away from even the slightest chance of him being in danger again. Aaron can't face water again, he can't face danger again.

Not now. Please _God_ not now. Robert thinks, hands all over Aaron's face, he's holding him up, holding him close.

And just for a second, the world is quiet, and Aaron's alive, and he's some sort of hero and -

Aaron's just desperately clinging on to him, wanting nothing more than to say 'I do'.

 

 


End file.
